Cross Cultural Communication in TEFL

Cultural Differences: When “Yes” can mean “No”

This blog post comes from an eBook I wrote about success abroad – you can click on the book cover and go pick it up FREE.

How people behave and respond outside your native culture will often be very different from what you are familiar with and sometimes even counter-intuitive to what you thought would happen.

Western-style assertiveness is not so common in the rest of the world, nor is it helpful.

Another personal story to illustrate, if I may: In the summer of 1993, I was teaching at a university’s summer program, socking away a little extra cash while on paid vacation from the college where I was working during the regular school year.

The weather was very hot and sweaty and the classrooms had no air conditioning. And I mean HOT and SWEATY, we were soaking with sweat.

A Coffee Shop

My students suggested that we have our class across the street in an air-conditioned coffee shop, a great idea! And something I had seen done at a few other schools. There were only about eight students in the class, so we would easily fit in a big corner booth.

I asked the professor in charge of the program if it was okay – and he said, “Yes.” A few minutes later he said, “So you are not having class today?” I replied, “Of course we are, we are going to meet in the coffee shop, as the students requested. That’s okay, isn’t it?” He said, “Yes.”

A few minutes later he again said, “So you are not having class today?”

Well . . . we went through this cycle several times before I got a bit upset and told the supervisor, “If you don’t want us to meet at the coffee shop – just say ‘No’!”

Needless to say, everyone was upset. But, it didn’t need to be that way. I really should have picked up on it the first time or at least the second time the supervisor asked if I was not having class. Get it?

Many cultures are not as direct as our own.

You’ll need to pay attention and listen for underlying content – all the time!

You can make your host country coworkers and supervisors very uncomfortable if you make them confront you, or if you become confrontational. It can really stress your relationships and sour your work situation.

Be careful, listen, interpret.

If you really don’t understand a situation, ask your supervisor about it in the context of a culture question.

You can say, “I am a bit confused here, in my culture my boss would say ‘[fill in the blank]‘ – are you wanting me to ‘[do or not do something]?’ Please help me understand.”

That kind of a statement takes the heat off the situation and saves “face” for everyone involved. You can even have a good laugh about it instead of everyone being upset.

TED’s Tips™ #1: Develop a little finesse in dealing with cross-cultural communications and your life will go much smoother overseas! It’s all part of learning to be a skilled expatriate.

TED’s Tips™ #2: Be patient and let things unfold a bit when you aren’t really sure what is happening. The last thing to do is lose you cool and get all over-assertive.

Yes, you will hear people telling great stories of how they “told off” someone but you can bet they more than paid the price for it in the long run.